


Dead winter reigns

by RomanticNoldo



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Angst, Deathfic, Doom of the Noldor, Grief/Mourning, Helcaraxë, Mention of Alqualonde, Survivor Guilt, loss of a child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 08:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30069552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanticNoldo/pseuds/RomanticNoldo
Summary: Argon dies and Fingolfin fully learns the weight of the curse of Mandos.
Relationships: Anairë/Fingolfin | Ñolofinwë (mentioned), Argon | Arakáno & Fingolfin | Ñolofinwë, Elenwë/Turgon of Gondolin (mentioned), Fëanor | Curufinwë & Fingolfin | Ñolofinwë
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Dead winter reigns

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Noldor (dead winter reigns) by Blind Guardian. There are three versions of Argon's death, I usually go with the Helcaraxe.

_He is dying._

The thought is too absurd to be accepted, and Nolofinwë[1] desperately tries to ignore it, praying to go blind before he understands reality.

But it's all in vain. What is happening will not change.

Although he tried to resist, the Helcaraxë bent him.

And now Arakáno[2] is dying.

It is unnatural to see him so pale and weak, he who has always been so strong and joyful. That is not really his son. It can't be happening to him.

Too many lives have already been sacrificed to Curufinwë[3]'s madness - too many have died following him as if his presence could save them, rather than condemn them all. Elenwë has also been lost. Eärwen's brothers[4] too.

_But not him_ , Nolofinwë pleads as if that were enough to stop the truth. _Not him, Eru, please..._

It is too late to ask for mercy, after the sins of his people.

"Father." Turukáno[5] is covering Itarillë's eyes[6], but the awareness on his face is all too evident. His eyes are terribly blank, not less wrong than Arakáno's veiled ones. Those eyes are enough for Nolofinwë to know what he is thinking about - the icy waters, and the purple lips of Elenwë.

_And it's only your fault_ , relentlessly hisses the truth.

None of this would have happened if he had followed Findis and Arafinwë [7]. They would have gone home and wait for the darkness fade. They would have reconstructed what was destroyed, and perhaps Finwë's shadow would have stopped hovering over them one day, once he had been avenged by his favorite son. Perhaps Anairë would have forgiven him. Perhaps, the blood in the waters of Alqualondë would sooner or later begin to dissolve.

But by now he has chosen to follow Curufinwë on the path of ruin, and he can no longer go back. He can just keep paying the price.

Any attempt to delude himself that it is not too late collapses, and he forces himself to read the plea in Arakáno's eyes. _I don't want to die alone._

He wishes he could look away. These shouldn't be the last memories he will have of his son.

But he could not protect him from Curufinwë's fire, nor from the cold that is killing him. He couldn't free him from the pain imprinted on his features. He cannot forsake him as well.

"Father ..." His voice sounds more than ever like that of a lost child, and Nolofinwë forces himself not to break. Not yet. Not in front of him. "I'm here." Arakáno's face, under his caresses, is cold, as if his body had already melted with the ice that killed him. He has now stopped shaking, but however fast his eyes are fading, it's not enough to erase the terror that animates them. "This is my punishment, isn't it?"

Nolofinwë hesitates only for a moment - and knows he will hate himself for it all his life. "No." He wished he was able to at least convince himself of the lie.

Their curse will stop at nothing. There is nothing more they can do to avoid their doom. He refused any chance of salvation when he decided to stay by Curufinwë's side, even after what he did. Those who followed him have made the same choice, and must face the consequences.

But when he stares at Arakáno's face, desperately looking for a last sign of life, he does not see the one he found in Alqualondë, with a bloody sword in his hand and empty eyes. He sees nothing but his child, sacrificed to a cause that has now lost all meaning.

And he realizes that he is the real target of Mandos' revenge.

_But then why not take me?_ He can only ask as he hugs his son and tries in vain to give him warmth. _Why him?_

If there is an answer, he cannot hear it. He can only hold his hand, praying that he can still sense his presence, and rock him as when the light still existed, as when Anairë still smiled at him and his family was not yet broken, before the darkness and the blood of his father came to end it all.

"Rest, Arakáno."

Perhaps Mandos will be merciful and will allow him to find peace in his halls.

The last, cold breath of his son touches his face and runs away before he can hold it back. For a moment, even before the void, what invades him is the certainty that that single sound will haunt his nightmares until the Valar claim his life too.

He doesn't dare to let him go. He doesn't dare turn around. He knows what he would see. Another horror in the eyes and minds of his children - something he could have avoided, had he not pledged loyalty to Curufinwë.

Had he been able to stop him before he went mad and hatred drove him to betrayal.

_Why did you do this to us, brother?_

When he sees him again, maybe at least he will get an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> [1]: Fingolfin  
> [2]: Argon  
> [3]: Feanor  
> [4]: this is, I think, my headcanon. Unless it's canon and confirmed in the HoME, which I have not finished yet.  
> [5]: Turgon  
> [6]: Idril  
> [7]: Finarfin


End file.
